Mink Machine

Movie horizon of 2006

After the great movie year of 2005, what do we see at the horizon?

  • V for Vendetta
    I already suspect that this movie adaptation of my favorite graphic novel by Alan Moore will be the most outstanding cinema experience of 2006.
  • Southland Tales
    Richard Kelly, the man behind the masterpiece Donnie Darko, is back with a Philip K. Dick-inspired mindtwist set in Los Angeles featuring Kevin Smith and original music by Moby. Sounds great!
  • The Fountain
    Darren Aronofsky is finally back with something that looks interesting.
  • Casino Royale
    Bond 21 has been the undisputed number one on the rumor mill during last year, but at least we know that Daniel Craig is the new guy in tuxedo.
  • Marie Antoinette
    Sofia Coppola returns to tell the tale of the naive Viennese girl who became queen of France.
  • Saw 2
    Another sequel to a surprisingly good first movie. Hopefully it adds something new, and not just more of the same. The trailer smells of the latter.
  • Underworld: Evolution
    If it is anything like its predecessor, we’re in for a real treat as it’s time for Marcus to emerge.
  • Pirates of the Caribbean 2 – Dead man’s chest
    Captain Jack is back! Let’s see if Keith Richards finally made it to the already odd cast featuring Bill Nighy and Stellan Skarsgård. Now bring me that horizon…
  • Ultraviolet
    Milla Jovovich stars in this mix of Aeon Flux and Resident Evil. The result can be as lousy as Catwoman or Elektra, if they’re not careful enough.
  • Angel-A
    Luc Besson is back. Nuff said.
  • Lady in the Water
    Shyamalan has gone from great to crap in only four films, but I still have to watch this one. I double-dare him to stay away from several obvious plot twists this time.
  • Miami Vice
    Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx dons the roles of Crockett and Tubbs. From what I’ve seen so far we won’t get much of the original trademarks such as pink t-shirts, white loafers and Jan Hammer.
  • Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny
    It was unavoidable. Here comes Jack Black and Kyle Gass in Tenacious D – the movie. Hopefully it will keep the insane bias of their music videos.
  • Mission: Impossible III
    Don’t try to act surprised… Ethan Hunt is back, but this time it’s directed by J.J. Abrams, known from the series Lost and Alias, that hopefully means more plot and less slow-motion. (If you miss John Woo, there’s always his upcoming He-Man movie…)
  • Da Vinci Code
    Why, of all people, Tom Hanks?
  • The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
    Brad Pitt stars in this movie with one of the silliest and longest titles ever.
  • Highlander 5: The Source
    This is actually the first in a trilogy of Highlander movies which will start hitting us in 2006. This time it’s all for Duncan MacLeod, which means no more Christopher Lambert. Well, it can’t be worse than Highlander 2, right?

2006 also seems to continue the never-ending trend of stories based on superheroes and computer games.

  • Superman Returns
    Considering that the lead actor was selected after a jacuzzi session with the director and that his “lower part” had to be digitally reduced in order to avoid too much attention, this will probably stink more than Glitter.
  • X-Men 3 – The Last Stand
    I have a bad feeling about this one, but at least we’ll hopefully get a glance at Dark Phoenix. And believe it or not, Fox has already confirmed that X-Men 4 is on it’s way, making the word “last” in the title a bit awkward.
  • Silent Hill
    Let’s see if they manage to capture the spooky environments of the game. Also, Sean Bean is in it, so it can’t be all bad.
  • Ghost Rider
    Nicolas Cage plays the role of soulless Johnny Blaze who transforms into the Marvel character Ghost Rider, a motorcycle dude with burning cranium! I’ve seen footage and it looks just as awkward as one would expect.
  • Dungeons & Dragons 2: Wrath of the Dragon God
    Believe it or not, the blue ears are back!
  • In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
    As I’ve mentioned earlier, Uwe Boll is currently doing post-production on this game adaptation.
  • Bloodrayne
    Yes, it’s Uwe Boll again! This is another vampire story where Kristanna Loken plays an undressed version of Kate Beckinsale’s Selene character, based on a computer game. Ironically, it is being described by the producer as “Uwe Boll’s best movie so far”. The most funny part is probably the talks of a sequel, which is placed by Boll in the Wild West! That’s right, prepare for the cowboy vampires! There’s unfortunately also talks of adapting Konami’s classic Metal Gear Solid to the big screen. Stay tuned for this one. Meanwhile, read one of the backstories.

In short, a very entertaining year with a lot of brain-dead movies, so alluringly free of the ravages of intelligence. Everything a sadistic movie critic could wish for. And please, reach a decision concerning the Watchmen movie. Do or do not, there is no try.


No comments yet.

Post a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Featured stories

Sessions in Seville

Sessions in Seville

"I end my journey in front of the tomb of Columbus, located inside the world’s largest Gothic cathedral."
Aliens in Nevada and New Mexico

Aliens in Nevada and New Mexico

"We turned around and went down another dirt road, past countless Joshua trees until our car was covered in dirt and we finally arrived at the Front Gate of Area 51."
Having champagne in Champagne

Having champagne in Champagne

"We roamed the damp and chilly tunnels and stumbled upon a large barrel delivered by Napoleon himself."
Good morning Montenegro

Good morning Montenegro

"One would almost think that all this secrecy was made on purpose to keep the hordes of tourists away. Let them all perish in the crowds of Dubrovnik while the people of Montenegro can enjoy their beautiful country on their own. Or something like that."
Eating my way through Basque country

Eating my way through Basque country

"Not too bad to wash it all down with a local Txakoli, the young white wine typical of the Basque country."
Chilling in Chile

Chilling in Chile

"My weary feet has reached Valparaiso. After almost a month of traveling across the South American continent I realize that this is as far south as I will come, due to weather conditions."


Fever Ray
Kuala Lumpur