Review: Long Way Round

In 2004, actors Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman set off on what sounds like a perfectly reasonable trip from London to New York. But to make things interesting they decided to go eastward on motorbikes.

Across Europe, Ukraine, Russia, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Siberia and eventually Alaska and Canada. Because apparently flying British Airways and complaining about the legroom would have made for lousy television.

The first part of the four-month trip went suspiciously well. Europe behaved itself. Roads remained recognizably road-shaped. Borders opened. Motorcycles continued pointing more or less in the intended direction. Then came bureaucracy, corruption and that particular form of official obstruction that flourishes wherever a man behind a desk possesses both a rubber stamp and absolutely no incentive to use it.

Fortunately, Ewan had one diplomatic weapon unavailable to the average overland traveler: Obi-Wan Kenobi. Whenever paperwork, suspicious officials or local bureaucracy threatened to swallow the expedition whole, somebody would eventually recognize him. Suddenly the troublesome foreigner on a BMW became “that guy from Star Wars”. Doors opened and smiles appeared. The Force, it turns out, works surprisingly well at border crossings.

Celebrity was both their secret weapon and an occasional curse. They wanted to be two anonymous guys riding motorcycles across the planet, but anonymity becomes difficult when welcoming committees, journalists and television crews are waiting for you. Sometimes adventure apparently requires smiling for the cameras before disappearing back into the mud.

And there was plenty of mud. By Mongolia, the roads had largely abandoned the tiresome convention of actually existing. Spirits deteriorated accordingly. But Mongolia was merely the appetizer. Eastern Siberia was where geography began actively trying to kill them.

Some stretches became completely impassable, forcing them to sneak their motorcycles aboard a freight train. On the infamous Road of Bones, rivers had swallowed the road and enormous trucks became improvised ferries. At this point, the expensive BMWs and sophisticated equipment started looking less like luxury accessories and more like very heavy objects that needed to be dragged through freezing water.

I’ve traveled through several of the places they describe, which makes the story especially interesting. There’s a peculiar pleasure in reading somebody else’s impressions of somewhere you know, seeing what they noticed, what you missed and occasionally wondering whether you visited the same place at all.

Ewan’s first impression of Ulaanbaatar, however, was exactly the same as mine. The power station. There it sits, disturbingly close to the centre, enthusiastically pumping dark smoke across the Mongolian capital like some enormous Soviet-era machine designed specifically to remove optimism from the atmosphere.

Long Way Round is primarily known as a television series, and it’s funny, inspiring and occasionally miserable in all the right ways. I later found the book in London, and it fills in many of the details television inevitably leaves beside the road.

More importantly, underneath the motorcycles, satellite phones, support vehicles and celebrity encounters, it’s really a story about friendship. About being cold, exhausted, filthy and thoroughly sick of everything, including the person riding next to you, and nevertheless getting back on the bike the following morning.

It would be easy to dismiss the whole expedition as adventure tourism for wealthy celebrities armed with expensive BMW motorcycles and enough high-tech equipment to invade a small country. And yes, their circumstances were considerably more comfortable than those of some lunatic attempting the same journey alone with an old Soviet bike, three tins of beans and a questionable understanding of Russian.

But watching them wrestle motorcycles through Mongolian mud, cross Siberian rivers and spend endless days being beaten senseless by terrible roads quickly kills the illusion that this was some luxurious celebrity holiday.

Money helps. Being Obi-Wan Kenobi definitely helps. But eventually you still have to ride the damn motorcycle. Two friends, two motorcycles and an absurd idea: keep heading east until New York eventually appears. Sometimes that’s all the travel philosophy you need.

There’s also a sequel, Long Way Down, in which McGregor and Boorman ride from Scotland to South Africa. It’s enjoyable, but for me Long Way Round remains the better journey.