Mink Machine

The Green Goblin is innocent

Every now and then the newspapers use a totally non-news issue as cover story. This makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

Happy, since it tells that nothing spectacularly evil happened today. As we all know, the only cover stories that sell are about horrible accidents, royal sex scandals and innocent blood spilled.

Sad, because the cover stories are insults of human intelligence.

Today I read one of the silliest news stories in a while. It read “Spiderman killed his girlfriend – Green Goblin innocent, scientist claims”. Really, it did.

For those of you living a normal life I can give away the back-story. There was a time when no Spiderman movies had yet been made. Instead, we had something called comic books printed on paper (this was just a few years after the invention of fire). In an issue of the comic book published thirty-something years ago, the protagonist’s girlfriend Gwen Stacy was pushed off the Washington Bridge north of Manhattan by the villain called Green Goblin (yes, he wears green). Spiderman naturally tries to rescue her but happens to break her neck. Oops. Of course, everyone blames the guy in green rubber suit.

Modern day scientists to the rescue! Spiderman’s crimes are finally exposed to the public in the new book “The Science of Superheroes” by Lois Gresh and Robert Weinberg. Jim Kakailos, a physics PhD at Minnesota University, uses the gravity as Evidence A in his very scientific review of the case. It keeps going on forever about the case and also illuminates the fact that the Green Goblin was “accidentally” killed in the next issue, making it easier for Spiderman to shift the blame on a dead man.

Now you know. Sorry for wasting five minutes of your life.

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